Facing fears

I had signed up for the first drawing class I had taken in over a decade back in 2007.  I was surprised at the results I had from the class and remembered how people used to consider that I was good at art, waaaaay back when. When I told one of my friends of my class, she said, “You’re brave!” I was puzzled at her reaction – brave? It’s a class that anyone can take!

Yet, signing up for these most recent art classes, I was extremely nervous. I felt so behind (who I was comparing myself to, I don’t know). Especially for my life drawing class, as I have never attempted to draw the human form. In the art supply store closest to my house, there are a series of little information articles posted around the shop. The titles caught my eye:

Myth: You have to be talented to be an artist.
Myth: It’s easier to draw small when starting out.
Myth: You should learn to draw before you learn to paint.

I felt reassured by something that challenged self-limiting beliefs I held, and also that others wondered and thought the same way. A recurring theme in these articles and in my art classes, is discussing fear, how we are overly critical of ourselves, and the limitations of making a three dimensional object, two dimensional. And most importantly – though it sounds corny and new age – my teachers talked about how everyone was on their own personal journey in improving ourselves, and that we had a voice and style of our own that could be expressed. I had no idea it was such a common fear, to be scared of making a mistake on a piece of paper. At the art store, when I was picking up a sketchbook, I got into a conversation with one of the staff who said that if he feels “blocked” by the pressure of a blank piece of paper in front of him, he puts down a scribble “to show the paper who’s the boss.” I do feel normal knowing that I’m not alone.

It makes for long days having class 3 nights a week (and then weekends filled with doing “homework” and projects), but despite this, I feel energized! Time flies by when I get engrossed and completely involved in working on a piece. This is how it’s supposed to feel, isn’t it? Being refreshed and renewed from doing something that doesn’t feel like a chore, something that I look forward to. I actually feel more confident about myself too – I never expected that something as simple as making marks to paper would have this effect. I know I have a long ways to go still, but I hardly feel that it’s “work”. Now, if I can make a living doing this somehow…

More misadventures in grocery shopping, and keeping busy

Today at the grocery store, I almost got charged $65 on what was supposed to cost $40! I happened to be watching the cashier ring in the items – which I don’t normally do – and I see “Chocolate milk $25″ come up on the register, even though she was weighing peppers and I didn’t even have chocolate milk in my basket! (And I have no idea why chocolate milk would ever cost $25?) She got flustered and realized her mistake and reversed it. However, before I left, I made sure to double check my receipt. She double charged me for grapes during her moment of confusion! Of course I was able to get it corrected before leaving. Lesson learned – make sure you check your receipt when you go grocery shopping!

Another reason I like self-checkout (though I wasn’t in Superstore today, which has the option of self-checkout). Sweden’s system of self-check is a bit different and I didn’t dare try it in case I made a foreigner blunder.

Otherwise, I’m keeping pretty busy with art classes, like I said.

Because I don’t have much time to prepare meals during the first half the week, Sundays are spent cooking up a storm. I’ve picked up a Company’s Coming Healthy in a Hurry cookbook, which I’m extremely impressed with! Every meal has been a winner – tasty, and best of all, easy and quick to make.

Corn and Cod (actually Basa) Tacos

Sweet and Sour Chicken (made without ketchup!)

On Sundays I also make lots of food, and make something for the freezer, for those inevitable busy nights when I don’t have time to cook – much healthier and easier on my wallet. I’ve also made a “resolution” of sorts to eat two vegetarian meals per week to try to reduce my footprint on the planet.

Mushroom casserole – a faux risotto made with brown rice

And some art stuff.

Drew this before any of my art classes to kind of set a baseline for myself

1 minute gesture studies and 1 hour drawing in graphite pencil. The head is too small, probably due to me trying to “fit” it on the page when I was running out of space. Decided not to try to salvage it, since the head was drawn the best I think.

Ink drawings drawn with Q-tip. Not finished yet.

Series of 1-minute gesture studies, and a 20-minute “exercise” in class, drawing shadows only in conte. (This is why the figure is distorted) The model thought my drawing was beautiful – very flattering to me! I might have to retry the drawing since I was generally happy with the results.

Homework – an exercise in drawing shadows only, this time with a Sharpie permanent marker and a grey marker.

Experimenting at home with conte and pastels – my first foray into colour. I need to learn how to draw hair :S

I also did an attempt at a self portrait in pastels, but the results were too ugly to post. The eyes turned out good however. Will have to try again later. But so far I’m quite happy with the progress I’ve made in only a few weeks! I went from making very slow and tentative lines in the first things I drew, to bold and fearless lines of gesture studies. Most days I feel quite confident in myself, and I believe that in time I could become quite good. Even if nothing comes of it, it’s not like it’s “wasted”, because I do enjoy it! Work is work, but my art classes give me something to look forward to, a reason and a purpose to wake up and to keep on going… Sounds corny I know.